Sunday, August 28, 2016

A Good Man (2014)

Every time I watch a Steven Seagal film, I assume it's going to follow the typical trajectory - he bonds with a small child to show how sensitive he is, and then kills everyone. This movie is no exception.

Seagal is Alexander, a bloated pufferfish with a jet black goatee and synthetic hair crafted into a questionable widows peak. Alexander is former Special Ops living in a low rent part of a European city where the Russian mob is prevalent.  He meets his neighbors - a twenty something woman and a child - when they get locked out of their apartment.  Since he's a handyman, he can help them get in. Let the bonding begin.

His neighbors brother Sasha is trying to pay off their fathers debt to the Russian mob.  The debt puts the whole family in danger, which is not okay with Seagal since he's a sensitive guy who cares about their well being. See? He's a multifaceted hitman.

After the plot set up, the next hour will be full of Seagal mumbling and walking slowly towards people who've threatened him. People who are saying things like, "it's none of your business old man" because they have no idea that this old jowel-y handyman is going to make them wish they'd never been born.

I'm guessing the opening dialogue, which consists of Seagal using the word fuck in every sentence, may be trying to convey he's a tough guy since he can't really do physical work anymore.  The fight scenes consist of Seagal twisting someones arm, causing them to cascade through the air in multiple spins.  Between the quick cuts and the stuntmen's talent, there are some passable action scenes.  Oh,  I forgot Sasha is still young enough to pick up the slack so we do have some okay fights in the film.

Occasionally there appears to sometimes be someone else dubbing Seagals dialogue, which isn't totally a surprise once you've noticed it in some of his other films.  Also watch for the scene where we discover that the Russian mob doesn't know how backpacks work.  They don't realize these bags  have more than one pocket.

Unfathomable dialogue-

Well I'm sorry to hear that because now I'll snatch every motherfucker birthday.

(There was a debate on whether he was mumbling snatch or smash. I like smash better.)

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