Sunday, December 28, 2014

Death Collector (1988)

aka Tin Star Void

In the future, the lawmen are a dying breed.  Jack followed in his fathers footsteps and is the only law in town. He's annoyed that his brother Wade doesn't want to join the family business. But Wade is happy with being incredibly bland and just wants to carry a guitar everywhere he goes.

Wade, who has shockingly sharp cheekbones, hooks up with the girlfriend of crime boss Hawk, and goons are immediately dispatched.  But the goons guns down the wrong bother when Jack is shot while trying to protect stupid grinning Wade.  This sends a bloody Wade running to Hawk's office building to seek revenge.

Since the only law in town was Jack, Hawk can do whatever he wants and has Wade sent to jail.... or their version of jail.  The prisoners outfits consist of a sleeveless t-shirt whose front has been mostly cut away.  Fashion... of the future!  They spend their time moving rocks around while their feet are shackled to make walking difficult.

When Wade is released, he heads back to the bar to continue his singing and get revenge.  Wade is helped by a barmaid who had a relationship of some sort with Jack. Jack had an insurance policy, but Hawk won't pay it since it didn't include a stipulation for murder.  Hawk's got this whole insurance racket wrapped up so that there's always a loophole.

Unfortunately none of this in interesting. I couldn't even make it through the whole movie, bowing out around the one hour mark - and believe me it wasn't easy to get to that point.  There are multiple scenes of Wade singing, and I'm not sure why.  Wade has a way of making everything bland, and his music is no exception. His music could best be described as bland 1950s country lite.  The lyrics are awkward and the music akin to something you'd hear from a vocal group.

The western theme is lost in the post apocalyptic scenery.  It's portrayed via cowboy hats on a few characters, a swinging door in the bar, old western films interspersed with the credits, and Wade's leather outfit with cowhide motif on the jacket and fringe on the leather pants. Yeehaw.

Hello, I'll be your bland singing cowboy hero.
In the future there are shirtless weightlifters who hang out
in bars wearing bandoliers and playing poker?
His cheekbones are so sharp, he could cut meat with that face
Swinging doors? Check. Must be a western.
Coil springs are fashionable earrings after the apocalypse
Prison shirts.... of the future!
This is what happens when you get put in the box.
There's so much bowling after the apocalypse.

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