Monday, February 20, 2012

The Cave (2005)

The best cave diving team in the world is called in to help Dr. Nikolai explore a newly discovered cave.  As the team heads deep into the underground channels to set up base camp, an accident causes a collapse which blocks their way out.  Since everyone is trapped  - good job, best team on Earth - they decide to attempt to find another way out since they believe they will perish before help will arrive.   They are usually the ones called in for this type of rescue mission and they don't have enough supplies to last until someone realizes they're missing.

As they explore the caverns and waterways, they find that they are not alone.  Something is attacking and killing their team.  Legend has it that demons live in the cave, and the creatures they see are not anything known to man.

While it's big budget makes for some nice scenery, there isn't really any life or excitement to this movie.  It's okay compared to some of the low budget movies, but that's about the best you can say about it.  Also just a question - did he really need to rip open Kathryn's wet suit to administer CPR?  It seemed gratuitous.

Alligator X (2010)

aka Xtinction: Predator X

After her fathers disappearance, Laura returns to the bayou to run his swamp tour business.  Charles, her professor ex-husband who has been banned from teaching in the US due to his experiments on living creatures, shows up unexpectedly to talk about her father's land.

After brushing him off, Laura takes a young couple on a tour which is bound to end in disaster.  Not only has Laura not been in the swamp for years, but the young man is in the marines and will be shipping out in two days.  Oh and he's going to propose to his girlfriend on this tour.  All you'd have to throw in is that he's going to retire and he's about to have his first child, and you'd have hit all the bases for guaranteed death.

Meanwhile the Sheriff is looking for some missing people, including some of his own force. After heading out into the swamp, he manages to get stranded on a ladder after the giant alligator chomps his boat.  Not sure why a ladder is leaning against a tree in the middle of the swamp, but the Sheriff spends quite a bit of time up there, so I guess it is handy for something.

Meanwhile Charles is working on his secret cloning project with his two inbred hillbilly henchmen.  Why would anyone ever hire inbred hillbillies to work with scientific equipment?  I can see using them as enforcers, but they're involved in the actual scientific process too, which makes no sense especially since one appears to be mentally challenged.  So much for valid scientific progress.

Alligator X is a much better title than Xtinction:Predator X.  I would not have even bothered watching something that reminds me of the Predator. But alligators are another story. However the problem with both titles is that they bring thoughts of Malcolm X and how are you supposed to take the alligator seriously after that thought?

Also the CGI alligator is as ridiculous looking as the one on the cover and it's size is inconsistent.

Rottweiler (2004)

With a movie named Rottweiler, I would expect a lot more  Rottweiler in it.  Instead our story centers around Dante, who escapes from prison after a year behind bars, and heads across country to find his girlfriend, Ula.  The back story is told via flashbacks and as Dante's memory returns, more of the blanks are filled in.

A prison guard and rottweiler are hot on Dante's heels. When the guard is killed, the dog continues after him alone. For this is no ordinary dog, this is a killer robot dog.  It's got metal teeth and a steel skeleton. Oh lordy!  It will stop at nothing to get it's man.

The description of a killer cyber dog sounds pretty awesome, but there's not enough dog in it.  The movie is more about Dante trying to find Ula and remembering the events of the last night he saw her.

Since this is a foreign film, there are some scenes of full male nudity as Dante decides to take a bath in the river after having just dispatched of the dog. Foolish man.  This leads to a naked man  / cyber dog fight, and lots of footage of Dante running away.  I'll have to give him credit for one thing though.  This is the only film I've ever seen where a naked man scampers up a cliff like a monkey. It's actually pretty impressive as all I could think was that if he fell he would seriously hurt his nether region.