Monday, November 29, 2010

The Zombie Diaries

Shot in nausea vision, this point of view documentary style film combines camera movement enducing motion sickness with video diaries of survivors after a virus outbreak turns the population into zombies.

In the first segment a news crew goes to a farmhouse in a small town, but no one is around. They discover London has been quarantined. As there are no pubs in the town and their car has broken down, they head back to the farm house hoping they can spend the night. Of course there is zombie action, some of which involves the group running around at night while the footage bounces up and down, and is lit by a flashlight. In other words, you can't see what is going on.

A month later, the second diary entry picks up with a different group of three young people who head into a deserted town in order to get groceries and parts for their malfunctioning radio. Zombies show up and the group must try to escape.

Lastly we check in on a farm in the middle of the country. It is night and we can't see what is going on due to the scene being lit with a flashlight. These survivors are the biggest and best organized group. They have guns and systematically kill any zombies in the area. They even do sweeps to see if there are zombies around, instead of waiting for them to show up. Then they dispose of the bodies they kill

One lady is obsessed with no one tracking any zombie blood into the house, and a recent addition to the group proves to be a troublemaker. He later turns out to be a total sicko, but those who discover this keep it under wraps until they can figure out how to deal with him. Seriously, there are some people that will need to be eliminated when you're trying to survive after the zombie apocaplyse, and those are people who are a danger to living.

The three kids from the previous segment show up again and get careless. Seriously? They've survived this long and then they do something so stupid? Doesn't make any sense.

Artifacts (2007)

A group of friends are being killed by their dopplegangers, who appear when a strange noise is heard. Kate figures it out after reviewing video tape of her friend from the night of her death in which her friends double appears, and by seeing her own doppleganger.

Kate has a run in with her ex-boyfriend Mike's double, but figures out it's not Mike and runs away. When she sees the real Mike, she tells him what she suspects. He doesn't believe her at first, but after another of their friends dies and both see the double, Mike is convinced.

A metallic artifact is found under the ribs of all their dead friends, which leads Kate to believe she and Mike are implanted with them as well.

Kate uses the internet to look up bodies implanted with an "artefact" and easily finds just what she needs. This leads to a meeting with the man who wrote the paper on artifacts in bodies. He informs her that there is an experiment going on run by people in high places. How do you react when you are facing yourself? How do you differentiate between whats real and a copy? Well, I'm not sure how having your doppleganger kill you will provide valuable data for research, but then again I didn't set up the research parameters and we never know their thesis.

While the movie did build tension and I got really drawn into the film, the ending had me saying, are you friggin' kidding me?!?! There are too many plot holes for any satisfaction, no resolution or even a hint at a resolution. Also just as a side note, the girl on the dvd cover is not in the movie and no one has crazy yellow eyes or cracked skin either.

Friday, November 26, 2010

It's Alive (2008)

When Lenore becomes pregnant during her final semester at grad school, she quits to go live with her boyfriend Frank and his younger brother. After going to the hospital in pain, doctors tell Lenore that they will have to deliver the baby early as it has doubled in size since the last appointment.

During the delivery, the baby and mother are fine, but everyone else in the operating room is killed. The police want to talk to Lenore to see if she can remember anything that might help them catch the killer, but she is uncooperative.

Once the baby comes home, Frank is oblivious to it's odd behavior, his younger brother is scared of it, and Lenore is just plain annoying and stupid. She finds the baby outside eating a pigeon and her reaction is, "No! No! Don't eat that!" How about wondering how the baby got out of it's crib, made it outside and got hold of the pigeon?

Also when she finds the baby gnawing on a dead bunny in it's crib, she takes the bunny away and doesn't say a word to the baby. When the psychiatrist is killed in an unbelievably violent scene, she just drives his car into the lake. Yikes lady, no mention of any of this to your husband? Eeeek!

Zombie Strippers (2008)

The military are sent into a building infested with zombies to test an electromagnetic surge which will knock the zombies out, making it easier to combat them. The problem is that the zombies quickly wake up and one soldier is bitten in the ensuing chaos of trying to escape.

Realizing that he will be killed if anyone finds out he's infected, he runs off and ends up in the strip club next door where eventually he dies. After he attacks star stripper Kat, biting a hole in her neck, the club owner locks the zombie soldier in the basement. He won't call the cops since the club is operating illegally.

While trying to figure out what to do, Kat comes back to life, wanders onstage and the crowd goes wild. The guys go crazy for zombie strippers so some of the other girls decide that they want in on it. Management is all for it since they make tons of money with the zombies on stage.

The only flaw in the plan is that the girls keep eating the customers, whose bodies are locked in a cell in the basement. The cell fills to capacity, eventually the zombies are let out and carnage ensues.

The movie is mostly stripping and not so much zombies. Robert Englund is great as the germophobe club manager. You'll forget about the military plot until the end when the military shows up again. So basically the soldier is just an excuse to get the plot into the strip club.

I didn't particularly want to watch this, but it ended up being okay.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Children (2008)

Two sisters and their families gather for a holiday celebration. One of the children seems a little under the weather and kind of creepy. Soon the other children seem to have caught the virus and their knowing glances soon lead to a killing spree.

The adults seem clueless and make stupid decisions even when they see their children doing disturbing things, like playing with the corpse of their dead father in the tent. Seriously, normal kids are not going to drag a dead body into a tent and stick their hands in it.

Also when cornered, I can understand a parent being reluctant or even refusing to hurt their own child. But have a modicum of self preservation and at least try to protect yourself. Don't just sit there.

It was a mistake to not explain why one sisters husband took off in the jeep without her. The explanation was in a scene that was one of the special features. Without this interchange, there is a huge hole in the script and makes no sense. Also there is talk about having around sixty children as extras and scenes of them getting spooky makeup. Huh? There aren't a bunch of kids or any spooky makeup in the film. Again, big mistake to leave this out as it shows that it is something much bigger than just an isolated virus.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Cross Bones (2005)

Red Blood, the most vicious pirate alive, slaughters his own crew and finds he can't control his ship by himself. After being captured and imprisoned by the British, (who all die from yellow fever), an old pirate shows up out of nowhere and releases Red Blood. After being led to the treasure, Red Blood absconds with it and kills his rescuer.

Needing a place to bury his treasure until he can return, Redblood rows to an island inhabited by natives who throw the blood curse on him and kill him. Bad choice, Red Blood.

In the present day, a group of stereotypes, including the worst rapper ever named Greedy G, have been cast on a reality tv show. Coincidentally they are going to the same island to compete for buried treasure.

The group is forbidden to go to the other side of the island, but two contestants decide to cross the boundary line. One guy mysterioiusly cuts his hand when he goes behind a rock. Next thing you know Red Blood is chewing on the kids neck and blood is flying everywhere. Soon everyone is fighting for their lives as a makeup covered pirate tries to kill them.

I saw this movie years ago, but couldn't remember what it was. I wanted to see it again because I remembered it as being ridiculous and yup, it definitely was. The bad acting, the silly looking pirate wearing eyeliner, the obnoxious producer, the horrible rapping of Greedy G, and the confusing reanimation of Red Blood are just the tip of the iceberg.

The reality show only has one cameraman who wanders through the undergrowth trying to capture footage of the group. But the island is also pre-rigged with cameras. This is great, except I'm not sure how many cameras they would need to view the entire island. Plus the biggest issue with this premise is that the supposed stationary cameras tied in the trees can zoom, pan, and often appear to be handheld since they are not always steady.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)

In the year since her husbands death, Stella has spent her time trying to warn others of the existence of vampires. She uses her lectures as an opportunity to kill the few vampires who show up to keep an eye on her. Although she is mostly met with derision and laughter, she continues informing people of the vampire menace in an attempt to deal with her grief.

In Los Angeles, she is sought out by a small group who have also lost loved ones to the vampires. Stella reluctantly joins them as they plan out their revenge by attempting to kill the queen of the vampires.

I enjoyed the first movie, except for the ending which seemed like they ran out of ideas. But this one was missing the tension of the first due to the lack of isolation and normal periods of night. It's not too difficult to think that the group can survive until daylight for one night.

The Queen appeared to be based on Elizabeth Bathory due to the bathing in blood. But the character is annoying and not scary at all.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Dark Tower (1987)

Detective Randall is called to a skyscraper to investigate a series of what appear to be accidental deaths. Randall concludes that there is a spirit in the building and recruits a paranormal investigator and a psychic to help him figure out why the activity centers around architect Carolyn Page. That's pretty much all there is to the movie.

Watch for near the end when Carolyn is running away from the spirit and loses a shoe. Later when clomping down the stairs, she has two shoes again and they are a different color.

Never Cry Werewolf (2008)

When Jared moves into the house next door, everyone is enamored with him except Loren who thinks something isn't right. Jared is very charming but also pretty creepy since he is way too interested in high school student Loren. Also he has hairy palms and a spooky dog.

Loren soon comes to believe that Jared is a werewolf. She actually puts it together really quickly, which is outside the norm for most films.

Everyone dismisses her suspicions except for her brothers friend Steven who has a crush on her. The two head down to the gun store to try to enlist the help of Redd Tucker, the host of a hunting show, who is doing a personal appearance to promote his tv show.

This is basically Fright Night with a werewolf. It's not as good, but it was fun to watch.

Ninja Avenger (1982)

A lady ninja does several hits to pay back a woman who saved her from some thugs years ago. After the job is done, the woman decides to kill the lady ninja so no one can connect her to the murders.

The movie is dubbed with the typical voices you would expect, and it's not all that interesting.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Kick Ass (2010)

Dave, a high school student who reads comic books, decides to become a superhero and invents an alter ego named Kick-Ass. He heads out to patrol the streets and quickly gets in over his head.

When a video of him taking on several thugs becomes a media sensation, Dave finds himself targeted by the mob who blame him for killing some of their men. In fact the men were killed by a father-daughter team of super heros who are far more deadly and well trained than Dave. Let's face it Dave, has no training and no crime fighting skills. Dave's exploits, as well as the other super heros, make for some tense moments.

The trailers for this film make it look more like a comedy than it actually is. I think that led to my being slightly disappointed in the direction of the story and it's resolution.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Stay Alive (2006)

After a friend is murdered, his video game junkie friends decide to play an unreleased underground video which was the last thing he played before he died. The game involves exploring the castle of Elizabeth Bathory aka the Blood Countess, known for bathing in the blood of young girls. What the group doesn't realize is that if you die in the game, you die the same way in real life.

As the kids start dying, the police begin to suspect the survivors. Eventually the game starts playing itself and the survivors try to locate where on the plantation Bathory was walled into a tower and left to die. How lucky that live live near the plantation because otherwise they'd most certainly be doomed.

While Bathory was a real person, the story is not historically accurate and the setting for her home is the US, not Transylvania. But I guess we can't have the kids trying to figure out how to get overseas, can we.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Ancient Evil: Scream of the Mummy (1999)

When an Aztec mummy is discovered in Mexico, it is shipped to a professor whose six of her archaeology students plan to study it. When it arrives, they find that the mummy appears to be wrapped in Ace bandages and is very clean.

One of the archaeology students is a lunkhead who steals a bracelet off the mummy to give to a girl he has a crush on. At first she is upset that he stole an artifact, but then she tells him it was so sweet for him to steal it for her. Huh? She'll be a credit to her field.

There is also a creepy nerdy student named Norman. Norman is the last remaining Aztec High Priest and plans on bringing the mummy back to life and exacting revenge. Unfortunately it's hard to take Norman seriously since he's a pasty, scrawny white boy whose priest outfit looks like a cheap Halloween costume.

Once the mummy is brought back to life, it shambles slowly around. Some of the bandages on it's face have fallen away and the one left under it's nose looks like a large handlebar mustache. The only way it is able to kill people is that its victims do not try to get away. Lucky for the mummy, the students decide to have a party where the mummy is being stored so it doesn't even have to go looking for victims.

Even though this is supposed to be a college campus, the mummy appears to be wandering around a house rather than a school. Also the area that is supposed to be a classroom looks like a greenhouse where someone has put metal folding chairs, a chalkboard, and a podium.

Norman states his reason for killing the other students is that everyone picked on him and made fun of him, which is totally untrue. The only person who hassled him was the lunkhead jock, and the other kids always told the jock to stop because Norman was an okay guy. Guess they feel pretty stupid now.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness (2004)

aka Gargoyles

A cgi gargoyle is sealed in the ground in 1500s Romania. Cut to the present where an earthquake breaks the seal, releasing the demon.

The CIA is in Romania investigating a kidnapping. It is solved and never spoken of again. But the kidnapper ends up impaled on a spire on top of an old church where kids hang out. So the police figure it might be the kids... who dropped the kidnapper onto the spire... from way up in the air. Uh, right.

As the CIA try to solve the murder of the kidnapper, the gargoyle grabs criminals off roof tops and waits for it's cave full of eggs to hatch. Michael Pare tries to solve the case and stop the gargoyle, and everyone lives happily ever after.

In Search of Lovecraft (2008)

Just couldn't take it, even though my friend is interested in anything Lovecraft. But this was too painful for us to watch.

Black Water (2007)

A vacationing husband, his wife and his wife's sister decide to take a boat tour in the swamps to do a bit of fishing. The regular tour has already left, so the sketchy tour guide at the dock says he can take them out for a private tour.

The group agrees and deep in the swamp, their boat is capsized by an alligator who then kills their guide. The three survivors manage to get up into a tree on the riverbank. As the shock begins to wear off, they start arguing about what to do next.

The boat is upside down in the middle of the swamp and they can't sit in the trees forever. The idea of waiting for help is tossed out after they realize no one knows where they are. The idea of walking from tree to tree is also nixed when they discover it only leads to an even bigger waterway.

Eventually we got tired of watching them all sit in a tree arguing. The girls are extremely annoying and you'll want to slap them. If I was in a different mood, it may have been an okay movie, but I just didn't feel like watching people do nothing.

Red Water (2003)

John, who used to work for an oil company, is a fisherman whose money problems lead to the bank threatening to repossess his boat. When he is approached by his ex-wife to assess a potential drilling site in the swamps, he grudgingly takes the job for the paycheck.

In an incredible coincidence, the drilling platform just happens to be right next to where criminals are diving to retrieve millions of dollars of drug money that has been dumped in the swamp. A clash between the two groups ensues. Oh and did I mention there have been body parts showing up in the swamps due to the huge shark that has adapted to fresh water? And in an even bigger coincidence, this shark is also in this area?

The cgi shark is something I've seen in another movie recently. I wish I could remember which one, but I've definitely seen it in another shark movie.

The characters spouted some very odd lines which made no sense. Also from the cover you'd expect the shark to be a much bigger part of this, but the film is fairly free from shark scenes.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Reeker (2005)

Five college students on a ride share to the biggest rave of the year discover that one of the group has stolen a drug dealers supply of ecstasy. They consider leaving him in the middle of nowhere, but instead drive back to the diner where they stopped earlier.

The diner is mysteriously deserted and their car mysteriously dies, so they go next door to the motel which also turns out to be empty. The group decides to stay put for the night since they can't get any cell reception, the motel phone is out of order, and they have no other options.

Soon members of the group start disappearing and there is a foul stench in the air. It's not clear what is happening and as the group tries to survive, they inexplicably do some stupid things. When you get to the twist ending, you will throw your hands up in frustration.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Evil Unleashed: The Mummy (2003)

In fake ancient Egypt which looks like somewhere behind a hotel in Nevada, Nefretesia commits suicide in a bid for eternal life. Cut to the present day where an archaeology dig has unearthed her sarcophagus buried only a few feet below the surface.

When the professor touches it, he screams in pain. His assistants are then attacked by plastic scorpions to the face. The scorpions sit there unmoving until they appear to be pulled off by strings.

At the local community college, complete with community theater level acting, the small archaeology class decides to head to their professors office to check out the mummy. They ask if they can clean the artifacts, but are told no since there is a specific process and the items need to be handled carefully. Inexplicably the professor then hands them a sacrificial dagger to pass amongst themselves.

When the professor suggests chanting the Egyptian Ritual for Everlasting Life, everyone except one girl is all for it. She leaves as she senses there will be danger. The group chants and the mummy comes back to life. When the kids leave, an ancient artifact sticks to the bubblegum on the bottom of one guys sneaker. Really?

The mummy turns out to be Nefretesia. Sometimes she is dressed as a raggedy old skeleton faced mummy, but other times men see her as a sexy dancing lady holding a fake gold dagger which she plunges into their hearts.

When the girls figure out what is going on, they head for the Indian Burial Ground (yeah, that's right, you heard me correctly). It's supposed to be an hour away. They drive all night and then say it will take an hour to get there. There is another incident with an ancient artifact sticking to bubblegum on someone's shoe. Come on!! Once is bad enough, but twice?!

This is super low budget and it shows. Please take a look at these screen captures to gauge the true badness.

Here we see a dagger and necklace made out of the

Good god! It's a plastic scorpion attack!

Yup, that's one non-threatening little Mummy.

The mummy has monster hands.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Death Note: L Change the World (2008)

In the third installment of the Death Note movies, L is back to solve a case of a virus that evil scientists and businessmen want to unleash on the world. The key is the daughter of a good scientist and a small boy who is orphaned after his village is wiped out and an undercover officer is killed.

After the battle between L and Kira/Shinigamis, it's hard to get into this one. While L is the same, his nemesis doesn't seem to be anything more than an average opponent. Yes, there is the question of whether he will solve the mystery of who is responsible, but there isn't any clever battle of wits as in the previous movies with Kira and L.

I did manage to get more interested in it part way through, so ultimately I enjoyed it. Anyone who enjoyed the character L will enjoy this as he is the main focus. But if you are looking for the death note story line, or the intellectual cat and mouse from the first movies, you will be disappointed.

Friday, November 5, 2010

The Crypt (2009)

A group of college age criminals head into the underground Depression era crypts as there are rumors that the corpses were buried with their jewelry. I am unable to take any of them seriously since the girls all wear short shorts and tank tops. Good planning there since you're going underground and there are crawl spaces.

The group wears head lamps and use flashlights even though the underground corridors have lights on the walls and the crawl spaces have lights. It is only when they get further into the tunnels that they need their own lights. One girls flashlight goes out at an inopportune time and she has to hit it repeatedly it to make it work. Gee, maybe they should have brought extra batteries in the huge backpacks they're carrying.

As the group takes jewelry from the crypts, the ghosts of the dead decide they want their property back. At first some of the group think they are imagining things, but eventually they all figure out something is with them in the corridors. So they decide to find a way to escape. Per todays most prolific movie cliche, they can not get any cell phone reception.

There is a continuity error when two girls leave their backpacks behind as they escape. After crawling through the door and starting up the ladder, they both have backpacks again. Then once they get to the top of the ladder, the backpacks are gone.

The strangest thing about this film is a random scene near the beginning in which the girls steal a car in order to meet up with the others. One of the girls brings her younger brother Bobby along. As the group hot wires the car, the owner comes running out and shoots at them. They peel out, laughing because they escaped unharmed. Then they notice that Bobby has been shot in the head. Oh no! The mood turns somber and everyone crys.

Cut to the meeting spot, the girls get out of the car, Bobbys gone and he's never mentioned again. What the hell...??!! So they still met up to discuss the robbery after the kid got killed? I'm not sure why the kid wasn't cut from the final edit as its confusing and makes no sense.

The Dead Hate the Living (2000)

A film maker breaks into an abandoned asylum in order to have realistic sets for his horror movie. The actors find what appears to be a giant sized coffin with a dead body inside in the basement and the director decides to use the body in the film for a realistic touch.

They pretend to cast a spell on it and to their surprise it works, bringing to life the dead man, who just happens to be an evil scientist, and opening a portal for the dead. When zombies start entering their world, the cast and crew try to figure out how to escape with their lives.

This movie exactly is why I started keeping track of what I watch. After about ten minutes of the movie, I realized I had seen this years ago and had not enjoyed it. But I figured since I'd rented it, I'd finish it to make sure I never had to sit through it again. Also it's a Full Moon movie, which tells you everything you need to know about it. You're either a fan of Full Moon or not, and I am not.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Two military men, a helicopter pilot, and his tv reporter girlfriend try to escape from the plague of living dead that is sweeping across the nation. Due to a shortage of gas and unsure as to where to go, the group lands on the roof of a mall and decides to temporarily take refuge.

The group decides to secure the mall so they will be safe. There is food, shelter, and supplies. There are even tvs to monitor broadcasts to see if anyone else is left alive and if there are any places for the living to gather.

A gang of bikers decides they want into the mall and when the group refuses, they break down the doors to get in. The zombies follow and the mall is overrun with them. The main characters put themselves in jeopardy by doing some stupid things, which is really annoying since they had done so well up to now.

This was my favorite living dead movie for years. After watching it again, it doesn't hold the same charm as it did before, but it's still a good zombie movie.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Pirates of Ghost Island (2007)

In 1865 some pirates hid in a cave on a deserted island to wait for a rendevous with a ship after searching for treasure. The pirates were extremely clean with spotless clothing and their wench kept a diary. Unfortunately sorcery was afoot and some rudimentary special effects did something bad to the pirates.

Back to the present, where some kids wake up on the beach of this island and have no idea where they are or how they got there. Neither do we as this is where we meet them. Apparently they were drunk on a graduation cruise and somehow ended up dry and stranded on the island.

They find a tent and start eating the food in it without a thought of looking for the person who owns the tent. All the characters are annoying and there is a blond girl with an accent that I could not place. One of the girls, Sarah, looks like the pirate wench who just happens to be her ancestor. She becomes possessed by her spirit off and on, and they find the diary in the cave.

Soon the kids start meeting ghosts of pirates who kill whoever they can get their hands on. The rest of the film is full of bad pirate accents saying things like, Aye matey, tis a good time for me wench to bring ale to a thirsty old pirate.

The footage seems to go from film to video at random times and sometimes the background noise of the surf makes it hard to hear the dialogue. In the stupidest death in the movie, the girl with the accent walks through the woods and gets stuck in some thin branches. It looks like something out of an Ed Wood movie as she frantically moves the branches around and screams as someone pours bright red tempera-paint-like blood on her. Also after Dutch dies, if you look carefully you can see him breathing.

Near the end of the film, there is a conversation that is completely out of place. Brad tells Sarah that he has lost his college scholarship and is joining the military to prepare for his future. Sarah bitterly responds, "what about us?" Are you kidding me? Your friends have been slaughtered, supernatural beings are trying to kill you, but you're wallowing in self pity because your boyfriend is trying to secure his future? How could that thought even cross your mind at a time like this?

The Damned (2006)

I think this is the first time I have said "oh shit" when looking at the menu of a dvd - not a good sign. When the credits started I noticed it was done by the Quiroz brothers. Another bad sign as I could not even manage to get more than twenty minutes into their film, San Fran Psycho.

The plot of the movie is almost like Fright Night without the charm, wit, or budget. Vampires move into the neighborhood and Tom sees them killing people in the park near his house. His roommate Nacho doesn't believe him, but Danny, a horror movie buff, takes him seriously.

Shortly afterwards Todd Bridges shows up as a vampire hunter who wants revenge for the death of his wife. The term vampire hunter is used loosely as he and his partner have no experience and don't really seem prepared for what is to come.

There are various plot holes, including why the police have fingerprints on file for a kid who has a clean record. Also the vampires look like they lift weights and have huge fangs which look silly.

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Mummy Theme Park (2000)

When a long lost city is unearthed in Egypt, the Sheik decides to open it as a Mummy Theme Park. Guests take a train which stops at displays of moving, talking mummies. The train even pulls up to a concession stand where patrons don't even have to leave their seats to order. You can get popcorn, beer, ice tea and souvenirs. What else could you possibly want from a Mummy Theme Park?

Two obnoxious photographers head over for a sneak preview and to take some photos. As the photographer takes the same shot of the mummy over and over, the mummy starts reacting to the flash. Personally, that would make me stop, but this guy doesn't give it a second thought. This is unfortunate as the flash causes the mummy to go insane and start chasing them.

The dubbing voices and inflections make the inane dialogue even worse. The lady photographer sounds like a total bimbo. There are fake beards, colorful Arab costumes, miniatures, and numerous scenes of people that appear to be standing in front of a projection screen instead of a real set. People pretend to be in earthquakes as a miniature set moves around or shaking scenery is projected on the screen. It's horrible.

There is a lot of really stupid dialogue, but these were just ridiculous (especially with the inflections of pure wonder).

Mummy: "I ruled the land and fathered one hundred and seventy children."
Photographer: "That is quiet something. I mean, a mummy that moves and talks."
Bimbo: "... and fathers!"

Bimbo: "Why is the mummy looking at me that way?"
Photographer: "I think he likes your breasts."

Can't remember who said this, but it was said as if it was most amazing thing they'd ever laid eyes on: "This mummy theme parks really something, isn't it?"

Suck (2009)

When their bass player Jennifer is bitten by a vampire, a down on their luck band starts to gain a following. Jennifer becomes the center of attention due to her ability to mesmerize an audience. This leads to problems as the lead singer is jealous of the attention she is getting, and the roadie has to clean up after her kills.

While it's supposed to be a comedy, it wasn't very funny. The guy who played the roadie was the best part. Also I found the singing vampire very distracting as he looks ridiculous, like he should be in a Kids in the Hall sketch. Coincidentally Dave Foley has a role in the film. There are also guest appearances by Alice Cooper, Moby, Malcolm McDowell, and Iggy Pop.