Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Video Dead (1987)

A brother and sister move into their families new house while their parents are away on vacation. The family bought the house sight unseen and there is an old tv set in the attic. The brother brings it down to his room and discovers the only station that comes in is playing a zombie movie. What he doesn't realize is that not only does this tv only play one movie, it comes on by itself and is a portal for the zombies to come into our world.

A zombie hunter who is trying to track down the tv comes to the door, but the brother sends him away. Turns out the only way to stop the zombies from coming out of the set is to tie a mirror to the front of the tv, with the reflective surface facing the it. Too bad they didn't do this before the zombies started wandering the neighborhood.

The zombie hunter, brother, and sister attempt to fight the zombies as the undead start eating their neighbors. The group ties mirrors on the doors of their home, as apparently mirrors repell zombies.

There's some stupid stuff going on, including a woman who comes out of the tv to seduce the brother. But one thing I don't recall ever seeing before is a zombie attack from inside a washing machine.

Forbidden World (1982)

aka Mutant

A group of scientists on a space station have genetically engineered a new life form which has gotten out of control - don't they always? Shortly after the space marshall arrives to help with the problem, the creature attacks a crew member.

With the alien like menace loose on the ship, the group must try to protect themselves and conquer the roaming killer mutant. In typical scifi fashion the leader wants to protect the mutant in order to study it further, which is always a big mistake. Those who survive the mutant attack start mutating themselves and then the big secret of how the original mutant came to be is revealed. Gasp!

In the midst of this madness, two young women take the time to shower together and decide to communicate with the creature. Yes, it's always a good idea to try to talk to the killer mystery creature. Oddly enough the creature is able to communicate via their computer and things work out well and everyone lives happily ever after. Not really, it pretty much goes as expected.

The 1980's Buck Roger type special effects are enjoyable in their primitiveness. And as an extra bonus, the walls are made of spray painted take out containers. Way to build a set on the cheap!

Punisher: War Zone (2008)

Frank Castle aka the Punisher goes after the mob and wipes out all but one guy who is disfigured. He reinvents himself under the name Jigsaw, which describes his face. Basically it's Punisher vs. Jigsaw and his gang, and a side story about the widow and child of an undercover agent the Punisher killed thinking he was in the mob. There's lots of guns and killing, but what else do you want from this type of film?

I really wasn't interested in watching this, but the lighting in some of the scenes is absolutely beautiful. The film is very visually appealing, though the story is average.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Blood Moon Rising (2009)

A hippie girl and a soda jerk team up to fight zombies and a female werewolf cursed by Satan's daughter. A film crew goes to a ghost town and runs into real zombies, plus the afore mentioned participants. Yes, I know the movie is done in grindhouse style. Yes, I get that things are purposely done badly in it. Yes, I realize that it's low budget. But the problem is that you can do all that and have something interesting or funny when you finish. This just isn't one of those films. It's not that it doesn't have it's moments, but overall I was disappointed.

Popcorn (1991)

When a college film class decides to put on a film festival complete with 1950s style gimmicks, they stumble across an old film thought to be lost forever. The film was made by Lanyard Gates, a crazy cult leader who filmed himself killing his family in a theater.

Maggie freaks out because she has been having nightmares in which a creepy guy with a beard tries to kill her and the film is the same as her dreams. This leads her to believe she is actually Gates' daughter Sara.

When the film festival opens, Maggie thinks she sees Gates, but no one else sees him. Soon a killer is in the theater dispatching those involved with the film festival. Is it Lanyard Gates as Maggie thinks, or is it someone else? Whoever it is, they are adept at making masks of other peoples faces and they plan to kill Maggie onstage in front of the audience, who think it's another gimmick.

Sea Beast (2008)

After a few townsfolk are found dead near the water, Captain McKenna reveals that he saw a creature kill his crewman. After the laughter has died down, the town drunk backs him up since his own experience with the creature has driven him to drink. No one believes them.

Soon the invisible toxin spitting creature, which will remind you of the Predator, is killing on land as well as the ocean. It also has baby creatures who are attacking McKenna's cabin on a remote island with no cell phone reception, where McKenna's daughter and her friends have snuck off for the weekend.

The monsters are cgi and it shows. Watch for the dead guy who blinks in the really long shot with the dead guy in the cage on the dock.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Island of the Fishmen (1979)

A group of prisoners shipwreck on a remote island which they believe to be deserted. Soon they discover the large home of Edward Rackham, who lives with Professor Marvin and his daughter.

Rackham has convinced Marvin to perform experiments on the local natives which turn them into something like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. While Marvin believes he is doing this in the interest of science, Rackham is using the creatures to remove all the gold from the lost city of Atlantis.
Barbara Bach plays Marvin's daughter who has a psychic link to the Fishmen. She is able to romp all over the island, even taking a midnight swim in her nightgown, without fear of being killed by the fishmen. Others are not so lucky as they are either killed or turned into the dreaded fishmen themselves.

The film is not very exciting, but not a bad way to pass a hour or so. My favorite nonsensical moment is when Rackham claims he has learned to communicate with the fishmen. In response to an inquiry as to how, he says he gives them a potion and they do what he says. Uhhh yeah, I don't think that really qualifies as communication, bud.

The Hills Run Red (2009)

A group of college students head out in search of a legendary horror film that vanished years ago along with it's director. Tyler is obsessed with tracking down the scariest film ever made called The Hills Run Red. It's about a serial killer wearing a babydoll face.

The directors daughter Alexa appeared in the film as a young child. Tyler's research leads him to discover that Alexa is now working at a nearby strip club. After helping her kick her drug habit by holing up in a hotel room for a few days, Tyler, his girlfriend, best friend and Alexa head into the woods where the movie was filmed. Alexa has promised to lead Tyler to her father's home in the middle of the woods as she thinks there might be a print of the movie there.

Soon the group is attacked by local rednecks and shortly afterwards discover that the Babyface killer and Alexa's father are still around. The ending is typical and even after the characters are told the basics of what is going on, they still can't put it together.

Xanadu (1980)

This movie came on the heels of Olivia Newton-John's successful role in Grease. I'm sure they figured they had another hit on their hands, but the movie was a flop. On the other hand, the sountrack is filled with hits that anyone will remember if they listened to the radio in 1980. I was surprised at how many songs I knew.

Danny, an old man (Gene Kelly), meets a young man named Sonny (Micheal Beck) on the street, and invites him back to his place to listen to big band music and share his dreams. Sounds creepy, but it's all quite innocent.

Kira (Olivia Newton-John) is one of the Greek muses who inhabit a painting on a wall in the alley. At random moments the muses come to life, roller skate around, and inspire men to achieve their dreams. During WWII, Kira inspired Danny and now she's back to inspire Sonny, whose dream is to make an old warehouse into the most happening roller disco ever! Lots of singing, roller skating, and the mystery of Kira loosely tie together this paper thin story. It's horrible but kind of fun.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Amityville 3D (1983)

Reporter John Baxter works for a magazine that debunks charlatans with claims of supernatural events. He and his photographer unmask a group who holds phony seances in the Amityville house. Then John decides to buy the home since it's such a bargain.

Once his ex-wife discovers the history of the house, she forbids their daughter to go there. Of course, the daughter and her friends head out to the house where they hold a seance to see if the place is really haunted. The ouija board goes crazy and tragedy ensues when the kids head out onto the lake for a boat ride. Baxter still has no faith in the supernatural even though his wife is acting kooky and the kids are spooked.

The movie ends with a battle against the demon who lives in the water tunnel to hell in the basement. This was made in 3D, although I did not watch it in 3D. But there are things flying at the screen throughout the film - insects, microphones, frisbees, glass, ice, a pole, and a swordfish on the wall, just to name some of the stuff that gets tossed the viewers way.

Silent Scream (1980)

A transfer student at the local college finds all the dorms are taken and rents a room in a creepy old house on a cliff where a face stares down at her through the vent in her ceiling. The house is occupied by three other college students renting rooms and the family that owns the house. The mother stays up in the attic, the high school age son is in charge of renting rooms, and there are secret passageways in the house.

The first night the students go out for dinner and one ends up dead on the beach. As the police try to solve the murder, there is another murder at the house. It's fairly easy to predict what is going on.

Rampage (2009)

The description of this movie was a futile life inspires a guy to make a bulletproof suit and attempt a record breaking killing spree. So we figured that it was someone who had given up on the world after failing to find satisfaction in his daily life. Definitely something many people in the workforce can relate to as often when you get older you end up wondering why life didn't work out as you planned.

However this story is about a 23 year old lazy ass loser who lives with his parents and is mad because they want him to move out. He's an idiot who has never tried to be successful and feels like the world owes him everything. The movie is super boring, the pseudo indie camera work is annoying, and we hated the protagonist. Consequently after twenty minutes, we couldn't take it anymore. Seriously, look at the crap we've watched but we couldn't get through this one.

The Burrowers (2008)

A search party sets out with some soldiers to find a family believed to have been kidnapped by Indians. The soldiers are lead by a jerk who tortures an Indian captive to try to find the whereabouts of the missing family. When the Indian tells them they will be victims of the Burrowers, the Army man says he's talking nonsense and admonishes everyone else to not touch his Indian.

After objecting to the torture, the civilians head off on their own as they believe it was someone or something other than Indians that took the family. Soon the group stumbles on the Burrowers and must try to work together with the Indians to survive. The Burrowers aren't seen very often, but they are kind of creepy.

Monday, September 6, 2010

iMurders (2008)

Sandra moves into a new apartment, bonds with her landlady and immediately sets up her computer so she can get into a chatroom on Facespace (good god). Sandra and the other people in the private chatroom are way too obsessed with their daily chats, especially since they don't seem to chat about anything.

A member of the chat room who works in the film industry is holding a contest in which the winner will get a piece of movie memorabilia. Each day as people drop from the chatroom, the assumption is that they have used one of the banned words and been eliminated from the contest. However they actually have been murdered.

Halfway through the film, a couple of detectives show up to try to figure out who is killing the people from the chatroom. Lots of things don't make sense, there's a twist ending that isn't all the tricky and most of the characters are annoying so you won't care when they die.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Scarecrows (1988)

A group robs a military base, kidnap a pilot and his daughter, and force them to fly to Mexico. On the way, one man decides to double cross the others, grabs the money, and parachutes out of the plane. The remaining men land the plane in a field near an old cemetery, a field filled with scarecrows and an abandoned house.

The scarecrows are creepy but aren't in it that much. The movie takes place at night, which makes it creepier as the thought of scarecrows rustling through the field or the cemetery is certainly spooky. There isn't much of a plot except for the scarecrows killing people and taking various body parts.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Open Graves (2009)

Jason, a surfer on vacation overseas, is given a cursed board game by a creepy shopkeeper. The game is called Mamba and it was made from the bones of a witch during the Spanish Inquisition.

Jason and his friends decide to play the game. Players are eliminated by drawing a card with an epitaph. When a friend goes out to make a beer run, he dies the same way as the epitaph on the card he drew.

Jason and Erica, a girl he just met, are the only ones who didn't finish playing the game. They figure out the game is evil. Jason decides to keep playing the game as whoever wins the game can have one wish. That's great except that if you lose, you die. But Jason is a noble lad and he wants to wish that this whole thing had never happened. Good luck with that! You just know it won't turn out the way he wants even if he can beat the cursed game.