Friday, March 20, 2009

Spliced (2002)

aka The Wisher

Mary is having nightmares and sleepwalking.  Her parents believe her problems are due to her obsession with horror movies and make her promise she will not watch any more horror.  But Mary and her friends decide to go see the new movie, The Wisher.

When Mary's dad finds out, he heads down to the theater to bring her home, but is killed in a car accident.  Mary believes this is her fault as she wished he was gone from her life forever.  She also finds that other wishes she makes are coming true and thinks it must be the villain from the movie.

The stupid thing is that in order to prove her theory that the Wisher is making her wishes come true, she gets in her friend's car and wishes that they would crash.  But instead of letting things go normally and seeing if it happens, they start driving a hundred miles an hour through back alleys. 
Who wouldn't crash at some point?

The movie also features Drew Lachey as Brad, Mary's love interest who she comes to suspect is The Wisher.

April Fools (2007)

A high school student is killed during an April Fool's Day joke that goes wrong.  Instead of calling an ambulance to see if anything can be done to save him, the group decides to drag him into the bushes and shoot him so that it will look like a gang shooting.  

One year later on the anniversary of the death, someone starts killing those who were involved.  Is it the ghost of the kid come back for revenge, or is it someone else who knows what really happened?  

Not a good movie by any means, the ending is just as ridiculous as the premise that these people are supposed to be of high school age.

Brush With Death (2007)

Five teenager cheerleaders head off to a mansion in the country owned by on of their uncles.  Once there, they lounge around the pool and meet a local boy who fills them in on the legend of an abandoned house down the road.  The house has been vacant since the killings done by a kid who used the blood of his victims for paint.  The girls squeal that this is exactly the fun type of place to have a party and decide to spend the night there.  What a great idea!

There are lots of flashbacks of two boys, one who is horribly nasty and the other who seems a bit slow.  The flashbacks don't add anything to the film but confusion.  

Also the killer- who everyone thought was dead but is obviously still alive - doesn't so much as kill his victims, as slowly drain enough  blood - it looks like they are giving blood -  to paint his bad pictures.  Not scary, not at all.  

The girls end up super woozy and he sits them around a table like a family - how cliche.  Then the stupid girl who has the strength to go for help isn't smart enough to immediately run out of the building.  It takes her a while to figure it out. 

So let's recap, shall we - stupid girls, stupid legend, stupid cliches, stupid creepy guy that's supposed to be hot, and a big waste of time all rolled up in a big ball of bad.

Dead and Breakfast (2004)

A group of friends on the way to a wedding stop in a small town for the night and wake to find their hosts dead.  While the sheriff takes their keys to keep them from leaving town, one of the group opens a box containing an evil spirit who starts killing and resurrecting townspeople as zombies.  The group ends up holed up in the B&B, fighting off zombies and trying to figure out how to get out of town.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Teeth (2007)

Nicely shot movie centering around Dawn, a high school student who believes in purity until marriage. Things change when Dawn has feelings for a boy who has also pledged purity and he forces himself on her. This is when she discovers she has teeth in her most private of areas and that they will exact revenge on those who wrong her.

As movie night usually consists of badly shot movies, this stands out as being professionally done. It's creepy, disturbing, but also entertaining.

Demon Summer (2003)

Made by the same guys who did Midnight Skater, this is a step up with better production and script. But that's not saying much as the acting is bad and the demon's make up is just plain stupid.

Some bully's beat up a homeless guy named Crazy Bob, who wears a bad wig and carries a book that can be used to summon demons.  The bully's steal the book and manage to conjure a demon who takes possession of one of them..

The demon make up is really ridiculous looking, but he spews this gross goo which goes into one kids mouth - totally disgusting.  No matter whether a character is a kid, parent, or authority figure, everyone is played by people of the same age which is disconcerting.

I give them credit for getting the film made and doing a better job than Midnight Skater, but still not a good film.

Dead Moon Rising (2007)

There's not much to this film.  Zombies start walking the earth and people try to survive by banding together to fight them.

The acting isn't very good and the zombie makeup consists of raccoon-eyed zombies with yellow faces.  The strange thing is that when the credits roll, there are photos of good zombie makeup, but like many other low budget movies, they only managed to film the lame looking zombies.

Transmorphers (2007)

After living underground for years, it's time to fight the machines and all it takes to win is a robot in a telephone box.  The movie makes me wonder why anyone would cryogenically freeze a robot?

The film is dark, brooding, low key, and lame.  There is a general who is way too emotional to have gotten that in in the armed forces.  Then there is the lady who looks like Joey Ramone in her fighter plane.

There is a huge robot vs. man battle, but even that isn't all that interesting.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Camp Utopia (2002)

Back in the 1960s, hippie cult leader Timothy Bach, played by Ratt's Steven Pearcy, killed all his followers in some weird, drug induced, love, peace, and flowers killing spree.  Cut to the present where five unlikable teens decide to go camping on the very spot of the massacre.  

As they sit around the campfire, Lance tells everyone the story of Timothy and Camp Utopia.  The next day, the kids start being picked off one by one.  

The Mangler (1995)

A huge laundry machine full of evil mangles those unfortunate enough to get stuck in it.  Based on a short story by Stephen King and starring Robert Englund as the creepy crippled factory owner who procures virgins for his menacing laundry machine.