Monday, July 16, 2007

Cemetery Gates (2006)

Animal liberators steal a massive crate from a scientists laboratory, randomly unleashing a murderous mutant tasmanian devil near an old cemetery. By no coincedence it just happens to be the cemetery that the scientist's son Hunter has rented for the weekend.

Hunter is filming a zombie movie with his friends. While he has big plans for the film, the cast consists of two girls and two zombies. An even bigger problem is that the zombies only have makeup on their faces, not their arms or exposed torsos.

It seems to be common knowledge that the cemetery has a series of old tunnels running under it. This is where Precious (the mutant tasmanian devil) chooses to hide. Yet when Scientist Belmont finds that Precious was released two miles from the cemetery, he wonders where she might be hiding. Belmont is so perplexed, it's almost impossible not to grab your head while screaming, "The tunnels!?!"

As for our monster, Precious digs perfectly round holes in the ground, which no one notices unless they fall into them. While Precious is a fairly stupid looking monster, I'm certainly thankful that this is a real monster suit rather than the crappy CGI that is in way too many movies these days.

The film's main characters are stereotypical horror movie college students with their smoking, drinking, and sexing. There is also a good girl and bad girl, sex starved irresponsible guys and a responsible guy.

While the film isn't great by any means, I really did enjoy how Precious killed as it was so different from what I expected. Precious jumps on the victim and her paws/claws move really fast as tons and tons of blood flies. The dead looked as if buckets of blood were dumped on them. It was so over the top that it was not grotesque.

As for the zombie aspect of the film, it was sadly lacking as the only zombies were the two college students in makeup, and no real zombies ever appear.

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