Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Amityville Haunting (2011)

I'm going to puke and I blame the Blair Witch.  If you're going to do a found footage movie, at least try to make it non-nausea inducing.

The Benson family gets a good deal on a house because it's the freakin' Amityville murder house. At the end of the walk through, the realtor dies which wigs out Mom, but Dad thinks its fine. Coincidence.  Then a mover drops dead while they're moving in, but Dad doesn't think that's a big deal either.

Tyler, the son, wants to be a filmmaker so his video camera is always on. Unfortunately he knows nothing about camera work, and doesn't seem to care. So  we are left with shaky, swinging shots that are not only annoying but literally sickening.

When they keep finding the back door open at night, the parents blame their difficult teenage daughter, who denies it's her.  So Dad installs security cameras all over the house. But next time the door opens up and the alarm goes off, he doesn't bother to check the video to see what caused it.  In fact, when the alarm goes off, he doesn't even bother to shut it off. His neighbors must love him.  Instead of looking at the security footage, Dad says the alarm must have scared off whoever opened the door.  Well, why not see who it was?

Film purports to be real footage,  but hopefully viewers are too smart for that. It's no secret that the family dies.  Not only does the cover tells us this, but it's pretty much a given with found footage movies.  So the family annoys us and are completely wiped out in five days. You'd think people would be a little more careful about moving into a house with this history.  But no, I'm sure another movie will be coming down the road with another idiot family that thinks they can last more than five days in the multiple murder house.  One murder?  It's the guy. Every family murdered?  Burn the house.

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