Saturday, December 15, 2012

Satan Clause (1996)

If you like to be able to see the movie you're watching, then this is not the film for you.  I've never seen a film so dark. There appears to be no lighting and the entire movie takes place at night.  Yay.

The story involves a man in a Santa suit driving around in his car.  Then we see something go by in the dark. Oh it's a person, I guess.  Then Santa walks out of the dark, swings his ax, and chops off a body part which he uses to decorate his tree.

The first victim is a detectives wife, which introduces us to the sad little one room police station which appears to be in someones house.

There's also an unsuccessful actor who is selling...something to raise money for orphans, a voodoo lady, a lady friend and her beau, and some rednecks who plan to kill the unsuccessful actor's friend who is dressed like Santa. Luckily the actor comes to his rescue and points out that it's Christmas and tons of people are dressed like Santa.

There's unintentional comedy from sudden zooms.  For example, someone says the word evil and the shot quickly zooms into their eyes, reminding me of something you'd see on SCTV's Monster Horror Chiller Theater with Uncle Floyd.

The film clocks in at a little over an hour, which I was thankful about in this holiday season.  I don't know what's worse - the acting, the sound, the story or that you can't see most of it.  How did this even get released?  It's mind boggling.

Is the basketball hoop the best lit thing in this scene? Yes.
(The black right half of the screen is his victim ).
Is that a voodoo mama and a mustachioed honkey? Yes.
Is that a victim at the moment of impact when
Santa's ax hits his head? Yes.
Is that a Satanist performing a ritual? Yes.
Did they believe that shots of parked NYC police cars
would add to the gritty realism? Yes.
Did they think this was passable as a police station? Yes.
Is this our mustachioed honkey selling....
something to raise money for orphans? Yes.
Is Santa batshit insane to use a human head
as a tree topper? Yes.

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